The Sine Qua Non of My Life

There are a few things that I own that are worth their weight in gold. These are things I can't live without, and I own multiples of each in case (god forbid) I run out or lose one. Michael Kors perfume is one of them. You have got to at least give this a try, it is seriously amazing.

Ok, so.

1. Michael by Michael Kors Perfume-$65 for 1.7 oz
This is by far the best-smelling perfume I have ever...smelt?It's not citrusy or "fresh" or sweet or mossy or whatever. It's just... lush. The art-deco bottle is cute too, but I recommend getting either the 1.7 or the 1 oz versions, because the 3.4 is gigantic and unweildy and it feels like a weapon.
And although this officially shouldn't affect your perfume-buying decisions but it totally does anyway, boys love this stuff. A friend who was wearing this once hugged her sister's boyfriend while wearing this, and he leaned in and told her she smelled amazing. He even asked to smell her hair. Her sister was pissed off, but if it can do that to a taken man, think of what it could do to an available one. Bow Chicka Bow Bow. That's right, PORN MUSIC.

What I Am Currently Lusting After

Every so often, I will come across an item that I not only want, but I have to have. I become obsessed with said items and give them their own special bookmark and look at them every day, longing for the day when they will be mine. Usually, these things aren't even that ridiculously priced, but for some reason or another I can't bring myself to buy them. Perhaps one day I will, but for now writing about them will have to do.




1. Clu Short-Sleeve Bubble Dress-$195
How cute is this? For serious, it's the cutest bubble dress ever. I like the navy, but it comes in this fabulous color too

I want both of these, as well as the cream version. Ah I effing love this dress. It looks seriously comfortable and bubble hem always looks cute. I have to make this dress mine.

2. Tiffany "Return to Tiffany" Heart Tag Pendant-$400
Yes I know, it's a little princessy and the jewelry equivalent of one of those Dooney & Bourke bags that every single girl in America owns a knockoff of. I wish I didn't like this, but I do. And in person, it's really delicate looking, not all "LOOK AT THIS GIANT ASS HEART NECKLACE I GOT FROM TIFFANY". I also like the 18-inch chain because I think short necklaces are just plain ugly. Even if you were like the Queen of England you'd look like a cheap hooker in a choker. And you'd resemble a pitbull because chokers make your neck look really short. But this necklace is adorable, and I think it would go great with my favorite color, navy. And coincidentally, the Clu bubble dress. Oh yeah.

3. J.Crew Postcard Print Cardigan-$100
For some reason or another, I love cardigans. They have that casual but classy look to them, and I like them better than sweatshirts as a cover up. This one, although it would have to be executed with careful consideration, is really pretty and I love the colors. It reminds me of Cape Cod and summer vacations. Very cute.

Ronco Knife Sets: The Cosmetic Equivalent

I am quite the impulse buyer, and while this occassionally can be rewarding when I get that weird shopping adrenaline rush or when I realize that I actually will wear that crazy trapeze dress, the heinous pieces far outweigh the cute. Usually I end up going "What the fuck Emily? Why did you think you needed a black leather jumper?" I mean really, a jumper. Anyway, I have decided to come clean about some of my past infractions, and I hope this will help you along the road to recovery if you too are plagued by this sickness.

1. Smith's Rosebud Salve
I know, I know, people claim this is a miracle product. They say it's amazing. But honestly, I think everybody just wants to like Smith's because of the effing cute old-timey tin and the classy Audrey-Hepburnish appeal. Smith's Rosebud Salve is seriously vaseline.

2. Maybelline Great Lash

Another one of those products that just doesn't live up to the hype. I think it's the packaging again. It's cute and kind of 1950's, and the pink and green has that whole Lilly Pulitzer thing going on. When you actually put the mascara on, it's like "What? I thought I was going to be turned into, like, a hot June Cleaver. I look like SUSAN LUCCI." It's just not a fun experience.

3. BADgal Blue
So when visiting a friend in New York, we went to Saks. That day was a massacre impulse-wise. I think that at some point I bought a headscarf, but I can't be sure. I try to purge this dark moment from my mind. Anyway, one of the more gimmicky things I bought was BADgal Blue. I don't know why, I didn't particularly like the original BADgal mascara. But BADgal original looks like the holy grail next to its forehead-slappingly terrible blue counterpart. I still get mad at myself for buying this. In my defense, while it was an idiotic purchase, I was rattled after being accosted by this saleswoman with spider lashes who thrusted the brush in front of my face as if it were a machete. In my fragile emotional state, I couldn't refuse. The mascara still sucked. Yes, it did make my eyes more noticeable, but that's because my friends were like "Why the fuck do you have blue lashes? You look like you're in a John Waters movie" and it freaked them out a little. If I strive for one thing in my life, it is for my makeup to never warrant comparisons to Divine, so BADgal went in the trash.

La Piana Vita-The Flat Life

Basically, I like to buy things. Especially girly things. I also consider myself to be a non-moron, and thus the slightly-pretentious sounding title of 'Scholarly Lipstick' has become slightly less annoying. Ok, moving on. Much like one of those bearded wearing-a-stained-wifebeater types you see on 'To Catch a Predator', I have been coveting certain deliciously impractical items for quite some time now, and I hope that one day I can lure them into my clutches. Ok that was perhaps a bit too black comedyish for a blog about frivolity. So to put it simply, I want some stuff that's a little out of my price-range (which mind you, is severely limited not so much because of a lack of funds, but for lack of willingness-to-splurge-on-a-single-pair-of-shoes.)(even though I don't think it's ridiculous to do so, I just have this uncharacteristically frugal side.)(this is becoming a parenthetical trap.) Ok, here we go.


Ever since flats became cute and girly and slightly-impish last summer, I have been involved in a torrid love-affair with this deceptively uncomfortable shoe. True, some flats truly are comfy and practical, but more often than not I find myself with chafed heels and throbbing arches. I don't know how arches can throb, but such is the mysterious nature of the uncomfortable flat. Whatever, I never loved them for their insoles. Anyway, a couple pairs of particularly cute flats have caught my eye recently.


1. Repetto "Flora"-$115
These are ridiculously girly, and so cute. They're that great capped-toe style, and the color and texture are so delicious I almost want to lick them. Wait, no, I did not just say I wanted to lick a shoe. Ignore that. Just buy these, they're fabulous and I love them.

2. French Sole "Passport"-$225
Ok, I know, a little too much with the cap-toe thing but come ON. These are so fucking cute I can't even believe it. They're so polished and elegant, and the colors are so rich. I would throw on a trench and some dark skinny jeans and these fabulous flats and that's all I'd need to look hot.
Yes indeed, I want these. A lot. It's too bad French Sole isn't considered a pricey name brand you can feel kind of rich and fancy buying. It's not like getting Tory Burch flats, or Kate Spade flats, even though they cost about the same. Whatever though, I love these.

3. Sigerson Morrison "6108"-$255 (down from $400. hell yeah.)
Sometimes I like my flats with a side of whimsy, and that part of me finds these flats to be particularly alluring. I love the stones, and how they're kind of randomly-shaped. I love how it still looks elegant. But most of all, I love the colors. I firmly believe that color is truly what sets designers apart from retail. Designers have a better eye for great colors, and that's what makes them more desirable. Mmmhmm I want these shoes. oh and PS, I thought for the longest time that Sigerson Morrison was one person, not two, and that he was an old italian man...k, that's enough about that.

You can (and should) get the shoes at footnotes online, saks, and zappos, respectively.